Chapter 3: Big Doubles in Little China

So we roll into Beijing and instantly felt much more at home. The Chinese are so much nicer than the Russians, who, to be fair to them, were a miserable bunch of bastards. The Chinese train guards were nice and smiley and amusingly, all their uniforms were 2 sizes too big. They looked like a child wearing school uniform on their first day before their mothers prophecy came true and they would eventually 'grow into them'.

We checked into possibly the nicest hostel in the world just by the main station and who do we see in the lobby? Only Jim, the STA travel agent from Brighton who sold us our round the world tickets! Small world. The past week has been a holiday in China. The day we arrived was the Mooncake Festival - they tasted a bit like a fig roll, but also a bit like a turd.

We could only stay one night before moving across town to where we stayed for the rest of our time in Beijing. We shared a room with a chap from Nepal called Deshwaree. He is on a 2 year bike ride around the world, spreading the message of peace.

Halfords not up to much in Nepal

We went to an Aussie bar as it was the AFL final and it was drink all you can during the game. A guy in there who's name we can't remember (see previous sentence) recognised us from Trowbridge. Smaller World! After that we headed to the main bar street where we met the biggest 2 pissheads I think we've ever encountered. Enter Erin and Steph - 2 delightful young ladies from Oz. They only have 3 stories between them (and they are good ones), but as the vodka level in their blood is never below 75% they kept going round and round telling us the same things - on a 1 hour loop. This went on constantly for 4 days and nights. They teach English in China, so if you ever have a Chinese man come up to you and ask 'Wheres the fucking post office, hey?' chances are he was taught by one of them.

The next morning, looking a little special, we walked 8k of the Great Wall. It was very hot and hard work. It took 5 hours. I thought I was going to die.

I would have put in escalators. The Chinese - lazy.

That night we had a quiet drink with the girls. I was in A+E the next day. Crushed a neck muscle. I blame Australia. Went to the Forbidden City:

It is Forbidden! Unless you pay the 15p entrance fee

Went out with the Auzzies, again. Heard the same stories, again. Went to an Irish pub called Durty Nellies. We were the only people in there. Drank some Guiness - at 10 times the price of a local beer here. Those sneaky Irish-Chinese. Steph lost her bag with camera, money and cash card in. I lost a game of paper, scissors, stone with a street urchin so had to buy a flower from him. I think I may have been hussled.

Rich and Erin in Durty Nellies - Me and Steph, location unkown, possibly China

So after 4 fairly boozey days (hence my witty chapter title) we boarded a train for Xian. Fortunately we were seated next to the only other Westerners on board - Jack and Margaret from Poland who were on honeymoon. After a couple of drinks with them conversation had spiralled into simply naming other words we use in our own country for 'penis'. Without thinking ahead I suddenly shouted out 'WANG!' About 18 people turned round 'Hello?'