Chapter 9: Sing When We're Winning

After a few more days of hot sun, thunderstorms and power cuts on Koh Phangan we returned to Koh Tao. The 3 of us went snorkeling in a little bay where you can buy bottles of fish food and so by throwing a handful on the surface of the water you would get surrounded by fish of all colours, shape and size. They would flock in their hundreds wherever the food landed, so throwing handfuls at Mike's groin was neither mature nor amusing. No wait, it was amusing.

The Human Oreo

For a day of action and adventure we took the boat to Koh Samui and hired a Jeep for the day to drive around the island. Started, naturally, at the rum distillery. After sampling one or two of the rums on offer jumped back in the Jeep (safety first) and cruised onto a waterfall and Big Buddha.

Honestly officer, I just had a Ribena

For our last few days in Thailand we went back to Bangkok. To kill some time on the journey I read The Hound of the Baskervilles. Turns out the dog did it. Everyone knows about the Ladyboys in Bangkok, but I feel the description 'Looks like a lady but really it's a man' is not entirely accurate. The vast majority look like Andre the Giant in a wig wearing some Elizabeth Duke with a chiseled jaw that Johnny Bravo would envy. On our last day in Thailand we made friends with a beautiful young girl called Sandy. She is 25 years old and has a cracking set of pins.

Hello Sandy

The final incident of note happened upon arrival at Bangkok airport. In a revenge attack for a stunt I pulled the day previous, Rich attempted to release a potent gust in my direction before quickly exiting the minibus leaving the recipient gasping for fresh air. Unfortunately the stunt went wrong......and he sharted.

Collins Dictionary defines the act of sharting as: Attempting to fart, but some shit comes out.

Much giggling and a buff and polish later and the jetsetters were on the plane for our next destination.

Splashdown in Singapore was quite literally that. I have never seen rain come down so hard for so long. For the first 2 days and nights it singa-poured down relentlessly. Undeterred we ventured out and were quite taken back with how incredible the place is. Much friendlier than Moscow, more entertaining than Shanghai, a lot cleaner than Bangkok and with technology far in advance to that of Frome. You can plug your mobile into a hub on the bus and watch TV - watched an episode of US Strictly Come Dancing. To illustrate the weather we were dealing with....

Come again another day....

During heavier rain sessions we played Uno with 4 girls from Halifax who have to be the most elegant, graceful and ladylike females from any part of the UK. Below are a couple of our favourite phrases with a non-Halifax translation first:

Please excuse me, I must go and powder my nose - Right, I gotta go squeeze t' peach

Gosh, that is surprising - Shit the bed!

Fortunately on our 3rd and final day in Singapore we had some good weather and took a trip to the zoo.

Us and some girls from Halifax

So after 3 months we say a fond farewell to Asia. There have been highs, there have been lows, we even made friends with a German. I wonder what Australia will bring....