Chapter 12: You Gotta Fight, For Your Right.....To Party!

We arrived back in Sydney just in time to go to the One Day International at the SCG and after a long, grueling and ultimately depressing summer of cricket, we finally beat the Aussies. Hallelujah!

Shane Warne went crying all the way back to his pie cupboard

In the last month there have been a few blasts from the past. Our hosts in Sydney were original Trowbridge Massive member Andy Stevens and his lovely wife Lou (yes, they are Lou and Andy but no wheelchair required). Andy took us body boarding so we could 'hang ten' and 'catch some wicked air' and other such surfing expressions. We also saw Godfrey Jnr and his girlfriend Sarah out here on holiday. As it was Daves birthday, we took him to McDonalds.

A thick slice of Stevens with a side garnish of Godfrey

Whilst looking for more permanent accommodation we visited a flat being let out by a small Chinese woman. Whilst having a browse Rich went to pull back the large curtain separating the lounge from something. "No!!! Plivate Loom! Plivate Loom!" screamed the landlady whilst simultaneously rugby tackling Rich to the floor. We never got to see what was behind the curtain. Bookies are offering even money on a live adult show, 3/1 on Osama Bin Laden and 7/1 on her pet dragon. We just put on our shoes and got the hell outta there. So we are staying at a hostel in the very lively and very seedy Kings Cross. It's bad enough when you are living just round the corner from Porky's Live Shows but it's worse when you are round the corner from Porky's Live Shows.....and theres a sale on! God only knows what evil lurks within those walls.

We shared a room with two very hot German girls. How fortunate then that only the day previous Andy had taught me German for 'Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who's the fairest of them all? "Ah!" exclaimed Marie (looking suitably impressed) "Snow White and the Seven .......Twins!" Sensing I was on a roll followed it up with the only other bit of German I know:

"Komme nicht irgendwie nahe oder ich Willefethc Herr Nobbly"

Unfortunately for me this translates to 'Don't come any closer or I'll fetch Mr Nobbly'. Probably should learn to quit when I'm ahead.

The next visitor we had was my sister, Big Liz. On Valentines Day some of us lonely singles went to a Lock and Key party. Upon arrival all the girls get a random lock, all the boys get a random key. You can work out the rest for yourself. Sadly, the evening promised much but delivered little. Possibly the evening would have been a lot less crap if my key didn't open my sister's lock! Smeg.

Nice shirt Squeek

Went to Good Vibrations to see, amongst others, Jurassic 5 and the Beastie Boys. Oh, and splashdown when the surprise special guest appeared - Snooooooop Dog.

Fo Shizzle

Went on a bar crawl with our hostel. Returned drunk. Rich and I instigated an international game of 'See how much stuff we can balance on the passed-out guy on the sofa'. The English really do bring a whole range of cultural delicacies to the proceedings. Rich went for a cushion, upon which I balanced a waste paper basket and so the game begun..... Our gift to our brothers and sisters from around the globe.

Last night was Mardi Gras. The streets of Sydney were packed with boys, girls, men and women all out to promote the message that there is nothing greater in this little world than when any two people find love - regardless of gender, age, race or religion. Made it to bed by 7, and if you hear any rumur that I had my nails painted, wore mascara and sported a glittery dog collar then it is mere speculation.

Ooh-ahh Mardi Gras

Finally, just so the mums will be kept happy, we are now both working. Rich is bringing home the proverbial bacon by selling gas (a substance with which he seems well accustomed) and I have been working at a fashion exhibition - though not as a model as you would assume, but I am a ticket monkey.

Right, Im off to find some nail polish remover.