Chapter 16: The Big Green F*ck Truck

The best in-flight meal ever as we flew to Auckland. We had the choice of fish or Muslim fish. Huh?

We decided for New Zealand we would do the Kiwi Experience. Four weeks of touring the islands with other young traveller folk in a big green bus (with a reputation). Always on the move always doing something. Our first fun activity was Zorbing (rolling down a hill in a big inflatable ball). Then we went Black Water rafting in glow worm caves.

Rubber Up - Safety First

It turns out it's not actually the worms that give off the green glow but rather their shit. Reminds me of being back in Brighton when PT cooked us sprout, egg and curry surprise. When no-one volunteered to be the first into the icy cold cave water the instructor turned to me and said my helmet light wasn't on, so I put up my hand to check it. "Well volunteered. In you get." Damn it.

At Lake Taupo on a beautiful sunny day I jumped 15,000 feet out of a plane. Was an experience like no other. To quote Legion of Doom "Arrrrrgh, What a Rush!" It's too hard to describe the feeling. Fortunately a picture is worth 1000 words.

Hello World

Rich did his jump a few days later at 12,000 feet. He thinks I'm going to take the piss because he did the smaller jump, but not at all. It takes balls to jump out of a plane at any height. It is worth mentioning though that the plane that went up to 12,000 feet was pink with pretty little pictures of fairies, rainbows and dancing unicorns on it.

No rest for the wicked, the next day we did the Tongariro Crossing. Basically a 17k trek up one side of a volcano and down the other. It was knackering getting up there but the views at the top were just spectacular. We were walking with the Gods above the clouds.

The Thinker

We had a couple of days in Wellington at the foot of the North island. Went to the museum. Got laughed at by a member of staff as I couldn't figure out the solution to build a robot to turn a switch in a computer game. It was designed for 4-8 year olds. Luckily Rich was there to lend a helping hand. What a retard. Got a ferry to the South island.

New Zealand has to be the most naturally beautiful country so far. We go on a walk each day to some kind of unusual mountain or bizarre cave or controversial river. Still, haven't seen anything quite up to the Westbury White Horse standard yet. But there's still time...

One night Rich cooked some of us a chili. It was hot on the way in and even hotter on the way out. Caused some great amusement and the next morning, I swear this is true, we went to Cape Foulwind. Truth really is stranger than fiction.

We joined up with another BGFT for one hell of a shindig. The theme was 'Anything But Clothes'. Everyone made a solid effort with costumes, but in the words of Oscar Wild "What the fucking hell's bollocks was I thinking???"

The Special Class

They predict snow, I go out wearing a deck of cards, but oh! what a night. It may not surprise anyone to hear that I was still moderately covered up compared to a lot of other people.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you, The Kiwi Experience.

With sore heads, damaged egos and absolutely no dignity whatsoever the tour continues...