Chapter 10: Ashes to Ashes....

The Land Downunder. First of all I'm gonna have a quick rant. Why do us Brits feel the need to include the word G'day in email subject lines when emailing other Brits either here in Oz or back home? My inbox is full of them. No-one here says G'day at all. I have provided 3 acceptable common phrase alternatives that you can use:

1. Keeping an eye on the cricket?
2. Sorry mate, we don't do pints.
3. Why don't you pommy bastards f*** off?

Rant over.

So much for our hot Christmas in Melbourne - was actually the coldest Christmas day on record. On Xmas eve we met up with our Aussie friend Amanda who worked with Rich back in Brighton. Went for a few drinks and back to her sister Jo-Jo's house where we were kindly given a bed for a few nights. On Xmas morning we went to our adopted family - The McPhersons (who aptly had a daughter called Elle). Sixteen of us ate turkey, drank wine and played with cracker toys - all of which we were very grateful for. We did get you all a Christmas gift each. Since we're in Oz we sent boomerangs for everyone, but they came back the next day.

Went to days 2 & 3 of the Ashes Boxing Day Test. Along with 80,000 other people we watched Australia destroy England, again, before the end of play on day 3. This rendered the day 4 tickets which I have been closely guarding for the last 3 months about as valuable as the shares I bought in that Jewish pig farm. Oh well.

We are The Army.....The Barmy Army

As a cracking bonus for the day outside the ground we bumped into an Australian hero, nay Icon. So let's have some fun in the style of Henry Kelly's Going for Gold

Who am I?

I was born on 30/03/1930.....I have grey hair and a beard......I like to draw, in fact I used to have my own Cartoon Club......and I have spent recent years in the UK nursing diabetic squirrels back to health.

Can you guess who it is yet?

Oh yes, Big Rolf Harris.

Absolutely everything here is being endorsed by the Aussies cricket team - from cereals to phone companies, however, this advert in particular caught our eye.

Well you would, wouldn't you?

Flew to Sydney for New Years. Went down to the Harbour and met Laura (from 'Nam) and friends. Drank too much. New Years Resolution - don't drink too much. The Harbour is pretty cool. Lots of nice bars, street entertainers, live music, etc. Shame about the Harbour Bridge which is just a big ugly pile of metal crap.

The Opera House

Our good friend Dan has a couple of mates out here at the moment - Gaz and Squeak. Feeling like we needed a day of relaxation after the busy festive season the 5 of us went to the world famous Bondi Beach. Lots of young, fit, tanned bodies everywhere.....and us. Like Thailand the sand is soft and white, unlike Thailand the water is Goddam freezing. Took a bit of mincing to get in. Did that walk where you go on tip-toes as long as possible and raise your arms out the water. Why do people do that? Anyway...

Good, but no donkey rides

As a birthday present my friend Jenny got us tickets to go to the coolest place in Sydney - 'Minus 5' - The Ice Bar. Everything inside is sculpted completely from ice - tables, chairs, walls, even the glasses you drink from. The best things about the experience are the coat you get to wear and as it's so cold you can see your breath and pretend to smoke an invisible cigarette like when you're a kid, which as we all know makes you look cool.

Ice, Ice, Baby