Chapter 11: Between a Rock and a Barred Race

Well we have been busy bees. To get out of the city for a bit and get some fresh air we went with our posse and new recruit Veronica to the Blue Mountains. Trees, waterfalls and pretty rock formations combine for some impressive landscape views. A nice trek down through the forest brought us to the base of the mountains and the start of the steepest railway in the world which we rode back up to the top.

Atop the mountains

Being English it was hard to pass up the offer of free roast dinner and pub quiz back in Sydney and The Butler's Cuff came joint second much to our delight. When one member of each team was asked to stand on the bar to determine 2nd place it was assumed to be a drinking contest, so up I went. Turned out to be a dance off - bugger. Still, my knee shaking and finger pointing was deemed comical enough for a $35 bar tab. Then it was jugs of snakebite a-go-go.

For a complete change of surroundings we flew to Alice Springs, right in the heart of Australia, aka The Outback. 'Spider Alert' was re-classified from Orange to Red - Extreme Danger. Arrived to a scrumptious meal of camel burritos. Went off the next morning at 6:00am with our group, led by our guide Horty. Took a hike through The Valley of the Winds, and let me tell you, hiking through the unforgiving Outback in 40 degree heat is certainly no barbeque. That night we had a barbeque. Afterwards we headed to Ayers Rock (or Uluru to give it it's Aboriginal name) to watch the sunset.

If ya smell what the Rock is cookin'

Back at camp we swagged out under the stars. The night sky in the outback is so clear and bright and nothing like back home. We could see the McNaught Comet and its blazing trail. The only negative whilst lying there in our sleeping bags gazing up at the Universe and its glittering canvas was that we had to do it sandwiched between 3 Dutch girls. Damn our bad luck.

Up at 4:30 to watch the sunrise at Uluru and then did the 9k base walk. Had a great last night in the bush - cooking good Aussie tucker over a campfire. Tasty. After a hike around Kings Canyon we went back to base in Alice Springs and pretty much the whole group met up for dinner and drinks. We ate kangaroo steaks with plum sauce.

Team Uluru

The actual town of Alice Springs is quite an odd place. It's a mixture of Aboriginals and white folk. The Abo's hate the whites because they stole their land and the whites hate the Abo's because they sit around getting very drunk and smashing the place up (highest murder rate in Australia). Therefore the Abo's are pretty much barred from all pubs, bars, restaurants, etc.

We flew back to Melbourne for some classic tourist fun. Watched the Penguin Parade on Phillip Island. 1500 little penguins waddling out of the sea and up the beach to their underground burrows. This struck me as very odd. Penguins, in Australia, living underground??? Quite possibly just rabbits masquerading as penguins to fool tourists.

Then on Australia Day the classic - the Neighbours tour. Met Libby Kennedy and got to 'press the flesh'. Rich made an inappropriate arse joke.

Everybody needs good neighbours....

After a night of civilised drinking (sort of) we picked up our Wicked Camper which would be our transport and home for a week to drive the Great Ocean Road. Geographical points of interest along the way were nicely highlighted. The most impressive being the lighthouse where 'Round the Twist' was filmed. Also we saw the ocean and stuff. On the 3rd morning I managed to slice the top of my thumb off with a razor blade. Bled for 2 hours. Nearest hospital was 30 mins drive. Incapable of driving there and couldn't hitchhike coz I had nothing to bloody well hitch with!!! Nice girl in a shop patched it up with some cotton bud thing and sticky tape.

Kings of the Road

Drove one handed back to Melbourne via the Grampians range. I had met a local girl on Australia day named Caitlin who had offered to be a guide upon our return to the city. Her parents Gail and Ken were really nice. Enjoyed having a mum to make and fuss and ply me with home cooked meals and a dad to show me the wildlife in the garden. "Hey Nick, you ever seen a possum before?" and sure enough there were possums playing in the trees. A couple of hours later he walked over to me with an open jam jar and stuck it in my face. "Hey Nick, you ever seen a redback spider before?" Fortunately I was wearing dark shorts and was sat downwind of the rest of the family.

Sadly, the time has now come for us to find work for a couple of months. Im hoping to get anything air-conditioned and spider-free while Rich is holding out for a bra inspector position to open up. Fingers crossed.