Chapter 18: Don´t Cry for Me Argentina

Buenos dias amigos! Must have counted 40 football pitches from Santiago airport to our hostel. I think we are going to get on well with the South Americans. Santiago is strange in that the Andies Mountains are visible from the city centre, providing a most welcoming backdrop.

Not on the end of my Armies

On our second night we watched Saw 3 in the hostel and then had a discussion about what bizzare life and death situations we could place victims in. Rich's idea was to connect someones arms and legs to a set of scales, atop which sits Lisa Riley. She is surrounded by sausage rolls, jaffacakes, doritos, tubs of lard, etc. If she gains a single pound the device rips the victim's limbs from their torso. You've Been Mamed ;)

We mooched over into Argentina through the Andies and I literally mean through them. They were some big-ass tunnels. Spent a couple of days in Mendoza - Argentina´s wine country and then onto Cordoba. For the first time since China it feels like we are off the beaten track. Very few tourists and even fewer English speaking people.

We discovered this new drink 'vodka and speed'. I swear we only had 2 each. Rich doesn't remember going home. I got picked up by the police. "Honestly officer Im not that drunk. I know where Im going. Look. I have a map." That ought to get rid of them. "Senor, tiene una mapa de Mendoza." On closer inspection the policeman was right. I was trying to navigate home using a map of a different town. Still, it was a free ride home in the wagon. Tried the drink once more, it had similar effects. After seemingly getting on well with some locals (all speaking Spanish, of course) I announced to the group "I have a big, black chair." Then got up and left.

A more traditional hostel and a lot more tourists welcomed us in Buenos Aires. We were lucky enough to get tickets for the final of the Copa Libertadores, the South American version of the Champions League. The local team ´Boca Juniors´ were playing so the whole town went football crazy. Imagine Man United in the Champions League final at Old Trafford, or Barcelona at the Nou Camp or AFC Wimbledon at Kingsmeadow. From the outside 'La Bombonera' (the Chocolate Box) looked like a run down multi-storey car park. But inside was a cauldron of noise, streamers, flags, fireworks, flares and 60,000 crazy Boca fans. Was a classic night in Buenos Aires. Boca won 3-0.

La La La La La BOCA!!!

We visited the balcony where Evita made her inspirational speeches to thousands of adoring fans and we also went to her grave, where she is less vocal. Had a few crazy nights out with a couple of new friends - Nora from the US and Shelley from a little known town in Wiltshire, England called Trowbridge. While I´m sure they are both clever girls they have come out with some absolute clangers:

Which film was first, The Mummy or The Mummy Returns? I doubt the tramps will be out tonight, its probably too cold for them. And my personal favorite, Nick, don´t llamas usually have 2 heads?

I weep for the future.

The colourful township of Boca

On top of bars in Trowbridge you get straws, napkins and a list of Townies and Moroccans banned from the premises. In Buenos Aires you get supermodels in their underwear. Damn I miss the Bridge.

Oooh, Cheeky!

To chalk up another couple of countries we ventured East into Uruguay and Paraguay for a few days and the difference between the two was quite astounding. Uruguay was delightful - cobbled streets, interesting architecture and a fresh, yet relaxing pace of life. In contrast Paraguay was a shithole. Never thought I would say it but Russia has been promoted and is no longer at the bottom of the ´How Shit Is Your Country?´ table. Dirty, skanky streets. Scrotal urchins everywhere and absolutely nothing to do or see. More chance of finding a condom machine in the Vatican than another tourist in Paraguay. Only 2 things of note happened. The power in our hotel went out during the excorcism scene in Beetlejuice and even more eerily we watched Tim Henman win a game at Wimbledon.

Got the hell out of Paraguay damn quick and back into Argentina to visit the Iguazu National park and one of the worlds most incredible waterfalls. No photo could do it justice so you get one with 2 handsome men in the foreground. When Eleanor Roosevelt first saw the falls she said....

.....Poor Niagra

So South America is well underway. The Spanish is improving daily, the Copa America is on, the steaks are juicy and the beer is cold. Hasta Luego!!!