Chapter 7: Is this a Big Temple or Wat?

Everywhere we have been in Vietnam so far, the locals have said how they want to forgive America for the War 30 years ago and welcome them back into their country. However, they have reserved The War (Crimes) Museum in Saigon to have a bloody good moan and rightfully so. The gallery they have there is quite jaw dropping and you need a fairly strong stomach to look at a lot of the photos. I leave you to imagine what Napalm does to the face of a child or Agent Orange does to an unborn baby. As well as the photo gallery they also have a good collection of vehicles captured from, as they put it, 'Crazy American Killing Devils'.

U.S. Air F.........ucked!!!!

Our final port of call in Vietnam was the Cu Chi Tunnels - a complex maze of underground passages that the Vietnamese Army used to keep the Yanks at bay - basically by popping up unexpectedly, firing off a few rounds and popping back underground again - much like Whack-a-Mole, but with AK-47s instead of rubber mallets.

I am a mole and I live in a hole

So the time came for our 'Holiday in Cambodia'. We set sail down the Mekong River, stopping off at various interesting points along the way, such as the local fish farm where the only fish you could see were the dead ones floating on the top. "Grilled or fried sir?"

Country number 4 - Chalk it up

We arrived in the capital, Phnom Penh and checked into a hostel overlooking a beautiful lake. Here, we were again faced with the darker side of humanity. We visited the S-21 detention centre and Killing Fields used during Pol Pots regime. S-21 was converted from a school which made it very creepy and the Killing Fields (self-explanitory) had a huge tower containing skulls of the men, women and children that were executed there. General consensus from tourists and locals alike it that Pot was a bit of a bastard.

In need of some light relief from the days viewing we opted to try the local speciality - Happy Pizza :) No prizes for guessing which potent leafy substance is sprinkled on top which leaves the consumer with a stupid grin on their face for the rest of the night. What better to do in that frame of mind than to sit in the hostel and watch a Mr Bean DVD. But who could have believed the reaction it got from our fellow hostilians!! Chinese, Americans, English, Australians, Vietnamese, Irish......everyone loves Bean! For the scene where he goes dancing in the nightclub there was standing room only! Standing room only I tell you! I think the UN need to look into this.

Photo taken an hour later - unpublishable

Moving north to Siem Reap, once more it hit home that travelling the world is not all sight seeing, drinking and general slap and tickle. On day one we saw the land mine museum with lots of children missing limbs and then later, in the small hours, child prostitutes on the streets. It's times like that you do realise Trowbridge isn't quite the shithole we all know and love.

The great attraction of Siem Reap is Angkor. Once an abandoned city consisting of massive temple after massive temple, the largest and most famous - Angkor Wat. It may be familiar to some as this site is where Angelina Jolie donned her green skimpies for the blockbuster Tomb Raider. We watched the sunset apon a hill on our first day and decided to get up at 3:45 the next morning to watch the sunrise. Hired bikes for the day and set off in complete darkness. Two months into the tour and the first time we actually needed our torches both of us forgot so had to cycle down some very questionable roads without being able to see our hands infront of our faces. We got lost, but then, a miracle! Just as with the 3 Wise Men in the story of Jesus our path was shown unto us by a mysterious light in the sky. The only difference being that instead of a guiding star provided by the good Lord, we had the FujiFilm flashes of two and a half thousand tripod-wielding Japs. Still, it seemed to do the trick and Im sure you will agree it was worth the effort.

Wats by the lake?

So with Cambodia under the belt it was time once more to crack out the passports and board a 12 hour bastard bus ride. Not for the first time the bus company over booked and I basically had to share a non-airconditioned seat with a sweaty Chinese girl who certainly knew where the spring rolls were kept, but as the lessons of Cambodia taught us there are more important things to worry about.

So into Thailand then, but with great care because as the ancient saying goes 'Man who passes into Thailand sideways going to Bangkok'.

Chapter 6: Boys on Tour

Went out with Hostel Massive. Found 'Beer Hoy'. 10 of us had 2 beers and the bill came to £1.20! For the mathematicians out there thats 6p each. Worked out on Steven Gerrards wage he could drink a beer every two thirds of a second, without so much as stopping to have a go on the Tarrant machine.

Went on a 4 day Trek with 2 guys we met in Hanoi - Dan and Baz. Despite both being ex-PWC are a lot of fun. Humour and maturity matches ours pretty well. First night our guide, Mimi Ju, took us to her local bar. By 'guide' I mean 12 year old girl and it was full of equally aged locals that looked identical to her. It was like being in a Vietnamese Umpa-Lumpa factory. They all claimed to be 17-21 but we reckon 11-15. The ones who weren't already married tried to bag themselves a handsome western husband. They wanted to get married 'for sure' or 'for fun'. Either way I'm pretty sure my house would get burnt down.

In the morning we did a 14k trek. Pot bellied pigs and buffalo roamed free.

Enthusiasm after 13.9k was high

That night we stayed in a village. They had a hot spring and waterfall. Met a guy who had no control whatsoever over his eyebrows. Trekked back up the hill. Male pride took a hit as the girls helped us to the top. They liked to play tricks along the way. I may have fallen for the 'Whats that on your shirt - look down - get punched on nose' routine, but alarm bells were ringing following 'Do you like chocolate? Theres a pile of it there under that buffalo'.

Mimi Ju at the taxi rank

Leaving Hanoi behind, the 4 of us got a bus to Hue. Got drunk at 'Brown Eyes'. On the way home we decided we would hire 2 peddle-powered taxis and make the drivers race us back to the hotel. Bless them - they peddled their little hearts out! Went passed a dead dog floating in the river which for some reason got a big cheer. Harper/Jones won by a nose. Most exhilierating part of the trip so far!

Spent a couple of days in the next town, Hoi An. Met up with 2 girls from Hanoi - Sandra and Hull (not her actual name, but thats where she is from and we feel she needs constant reminders of her embarrasing heritage). Went on a day trip to some ruins and had a boat ride.

Not sure what I was doing here. Over to you Freud.

Next town - Nha Trang. Beach resort but waves so big you cant go swimming. Went with the guys to Thap Ba Hot Spring Centre. Had a mud bath, hot mineral water bath, swim, 45 minute massage (which included little Vietnamese women walking on our backs - and we were all glad we were not in America for this particular treatment) and finished off with a sauna.

If its good enough for the buffalos.....

We decided that as we had just spent a fairly girly day together, we better do something manly in the evening to balance things out........... so we went to 'Sailors' for cocktails.

Vietnam has been awesome but sadly time on the visas is fast running out. Only one city left to see - and we certainly don't want to Miss Saigon.