Chapter 15: Bula! Is It Me You're Looking For?

Bula! Or 'Hello' from Fiji. Quite the interesting start to life in the South Pacific when our plane lost power about 10 seconds after touchdown. Strangely this was the first flight we have taken when I forgot my annoying superstition (thanks Becky) of touching above the door on the outside of the aircraft before boarding. Someone must be looking out for us.

The airport town of Nadi on the mainland has little to offer so it was off to Mana Island to indulge in some of the relaxation that 'Fiji Time' promises. For the most part of our stay all our time was spent on the beach, in the bar and on the pathway that connects the beach to the bar.

We both agree that at Mariani's backpackers we had our favourite roommates to date. Not to go on about them, but lets just say 3 Swedish girls waltzing in just their string tangas ;)

On our second night we tasted some of the Fijian culture with a Kava festival, the national drink of Fiji. The sensation is not so much drunkness as it is paralysis. Kind of like the feeling in your mouth when you have a Strepsil. One shop keeper told me he drinks it everyday but the one drawback is that it's easier for his wife to chase and catch him when he is not working as he should be!

For each Kava festival someone is nominated to be the Chief:

Chief Running Mouth

As Richie was the Chief it meant that he cannot refuse a drink at any time, but he can order when the next round of drinks for everyone else begins. This was followed by a limbo dancing competition. We did surprisingly well, but then considering we had spent the last 48 hours bending over backwards for the Swedish girls then maybe it shouldn't have been such a surprise!

Cushion on Stand-by

The final activity of the night was a musical chairs tournament. I fell at the last hurdle whereas Rich was eliminated due to a shocking call from the official and I have never seen him look so furious.

We befriended 2 girls from Yorkshire, Becky and Rosa, and a Danish guy called Nick. The 5 of us took a boat out for a tour around some of the surrounding islands. One of said islands was the location for the film Castaway (Wilson! Wilson!) but on approach to the island we could plainly see a 5 star luxury holiday resort on one of the beaches. Everyone lost a bit of respect for Tom Hanks who was clearly making a mountain out of a molehill.

Fijian Paradise

We stopped off at some of the more populated islands to relax in their resorts. Had a BBQ of something that resembled sausages and something that resembled steak down by the sea. Did a little snorkeling and a little....

...Swingin'

Our last day in Fiji turned out to be a belter. For $50 (20 squid) we went to the Sonaisali Holiday Resort and this place was outstanding. Free use of tennis courts, watersports, pool with bar attached, darts, table tennis and TeenNick on the TV! All this plus a two course dinner - anything from the menu - this is where we really won our money back! Curry with all the trimmings with Baileys Cheesecake to follow! Mmmmmm. None of that pasta and beans travellers crap for us!

Fiji Time, for Bed

Our time in Fiji has been short but sweet. There are many things I would like to take away from our Fijian Adventure. The culture, the attitude of the people, the outstanding scenery, but most of all I would like to take those 3 Swedish girls....

Chapter 14: Every G'day has it's Dawn

Still heading north we reached Airlie Beach, where Rich informed me we had a whole day of the Whitsundays coming up, so naturally I stocked up on toilet paper and reading material. As it turns out, he was referring to a sailing trip and not tummy trouble. There are many beautiful islands, beaches and sandy plains. Feast your eyes...

...The Whitsundays

On route overnight to Cairns we had this absolute pleb on the bus. Rich had previously identified him as he just chats complete bollocks about the least interesting things as he fails to chat up girls. Half an hour into his ramblings to a Swedish girl he said "Yeah yeah yeah. Do you know England? I'm from a place called Milton Keynes". Ah. The penny drops. As luck would have it when he finally shut up he rested his head on the back of my already reclined seat. Like a spider in it's web I waited for my opportunity. Around 2:30 am when I was sure he was asleep, one quick release of my chairs recliner handle catapulted him forward, bashing his head on the back of my chair and then bounced back into his seat. "Oh sorry mate. Didn't realize you were leaning on my chair". He he he. Dons 1 Franchise 0.

From Cairns we had one of the most memorable experiences of the trip. Diving at the Great Barrier Reef. As we are both now qualified divers we could just hire the stuff and go do our own thing so we had 2 half hour dives exploring the underwater world and all it had to offer. Having a lovely time swimming round amongst the plant life, fish, turtles, etc. Then He appeared. Row after row of razor sharp teeth, eyes as black as the mouth of Hell and the unmistakable dorsal fin of nature's killer of the deep. Pre-dive I assumed that should I see a shark in the water I would 'Whitsunday' myself and swim away as quickly as possible whilst screaming like girl, but that didn't happen. Instead just marveled at its grace and elegance. Breathtaking. The sea was quite choppy so the boat that took us to our dive sites was full of vomiting Japs. Those guys don't eat much, but man can they fill a bag!

We returned to Sydney for the last few days of Oz. Spent a lovely afternoon walking around the Botanical Gardens with Tina, a girl from our hostel. Pretty trees, birds, etc and all was well with the world. Then I found out her surname was 'Cuse'. "Hey", said I, "Do you know what would be really funny? If you broke both your legs, then died in some hideous accident then your tombstone could read; Here lies Tina. Just a lame ex-Cuse". One of us found it hilarious whilst the other looked mortified. Once again Tina, I am sorry.

Our final few nights in Australia were never going to be anything but alcohol fuelled. Found myself with a kangaroo on a balcony.

The Best of Friends

A familiar face in Jenene met us in Sydney so with Andy on board as well a small representation of Trowbridge went out to see what trouble we could get ourselves into. The World Bar in Kings Cross supplies some potent pots that very much do not contain PG Tips.

More Tea Vicar?

I woke up the next morning with my face and hair covered in flour. I still don't know who or why. Our final day in Australia was a classic - surfing on Bondi Beach. As it was my first time Rich kindly gave me some pointers but as he put it himself it really was the blind leading the blind, but what fun we had!

Wipeout

And from the beach to the bar with the remainder of our Sydney Massive. Andy, Dan, Paula, Jenene, the Josti Dutch girls, Rich and myself got drunk, had a dance and then an emotional goodbye. We will miss you all.

Team Sydney, Class of 2007

So the sun has set on our time in Australia. A country so diverse you could be here for a hundred years and still not see everything. So with a tear in the eye we look forward to the next part of our adventure. Destination Fiji.

Chapter 13: Some of that East Coast Flava!

Sydney life continues. We have 2 new Dutch friends, Eveline and Lisanne - the least politically correct people on Earth. Give them any taboo subject and they find it hilarious. They affectionately refer to us as 'Jostis' which is Dutch for 'Down-Syndrome'. How sweet. Rich and the girls went on a surf camp weekend and Rich wanted this photo on the blog of him in a 6 pack competition. It illustrates nicely why it is that Aussie girls find English boys irresistible.

And the winner is...

Well, at least now we have a wooden spoon to go with our wooden bowl.

I stayed in Sydney to spend the weekend with my German friend, Marie. Despite her racial handicap we have so much fun. Took a speedboat tour of the harbour. I tell her I only spend time with her because I am trying to improve relations between England and Germany and that I am sacrificing my own time here in Sydney to try and build social and political bridges between our two great nations. She says I'm full of shit. As a consequence my German has improved dramatically. I can now say 'Good day. How are you? Would you like something to drink?' Marie has learnt the phrases 'Injection Molding' and 'Toad in the Hole'. It's very much a give and take relationship.

There's Something About Marie

Leaving Sydney behind (for now) we have embarked on a voyage up the east coast. First stop was Byron Bay. Probably the nicest beach so far on the trip - crystal clear water, pure white sand and bikinis so skimpy you could slice cheese with them. I told Rich we looked stupid, but he insisted.

Then we headed inland to Nimbin. A hippie commune that basically comprises of a few shops, a couple of pubs and a cannabis museum. As an example of the pace of life in Nimbin on our busiest day we went to a candle factory then went to the pub to play on the WWF pinball machine. Exhausting.

Get a job Hippie!

On to the Gold Coast where we were reacquainted with Erin and Steph - the loopy drunks we met in Beijing. We stayed with Steph in her massive house right on the beach. Our livers had been prepared. Several hours into our drinking session I held the bottle of whatever I was drinking 6 inches from my face and managed to focus on the label with one eye 'Produced with the aid of fish and eggs'. Mmmmm - the good stuff. Went out in Surfers Paradise. Lost Steph. She thinks she was singing in the street with a busker or tramp but can't really remember.

6 months on, nothing changed

Escaping their clutches for a second time we rocked into Brisbane and had a very Aussie day. It began with a trip to the late Steve Irwin's Australia Zoo. Here we met Graham.

A cracking snap

Just outside the Crocoseum is a fitting tribute to Steve. Messages of love and peace, all written on Crocodile Hunter shirts. In the evening we went to our first ever Aussie Rules game between the Brisbane Lions and Hawthorne Hawks. Very violent. Wicked cool.

Next up - Fraser Island - the worlds biggest sand island. We went in a group of 9 (including token efficient German). Unsupervised we piled into a 4 x 4 and drove around the island to various points of interest and natural beauty. As all the water on the island is filtered through the sand you can drink it while you swim, of course taking care not to drink near a smiling kiddy.

Fraser Island

Saw sharks swimming a few meters off the coast. At night we stayed at an Aboriginal campsite and played silly drinking games around the fire. Whilst having dinner one night I said "This spag-bol is delicious. Compliments to the chef and LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT BASTARD!!!" No, I wasn't pointing at fat Barry, but rather the Huntsman spider the size of my head that was loitering nearby above us - probably waiting for some of the spag-bol.

Goon is a good thing

The campsite was run by 2 Aboriginals and on our last night came and sat with us round the fire and did a little singing and dancing. Of course we had to join in. Our dancing was probably only just better than when we first started going to the PIG, but make no mistake, just as repellent to the girls.